NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION: SOMETHNG TO THINK ABOUT
Most mediators will agree that a dispute will not be resolved until the interests and needs of all parties have been met. In the April 2007 issue of Yoga Journal, Meagan Francis discusses this concept as one of Non-Violent Communication (“NVC”) in her article entitled “Blossom At Work”. Therein, she discusses this approach to work and life created by Marshall Rosenberg, a clinical psychologist “who left private practice in the early 1960’s to promote peace and compassion on a wide scale” and “created the NVC technique while helping to integrate schools during the civil rights movement.” (Id. at 72). He founded the Center For Non-Violent Communication in 1984 in Southern California and teaches his model throughout the world.
The NVC model is very understandable:
The NVC breaks communications down into four parts:
observing(stopping to recognize what is actually happening in the moment,
rather than voicing your opinion about it);feeling (identifying the feelings arising in you and your sense of the feelings arising in
others);needing (getting clear about what needs you and other might have in the situation); and
requesting (asking to have those
needs met). (Id. at 72).
Simply stated, when you find yourself getting embroiled in a dispute, take the time to observe what is going on. Listen, really listen, to what the other parties are saying. “Observe the situation without judgment.” (Id. at 73). Do not assume or label anything. Next, get in touch with your own thoughts – why are you reacting the way you are reacting? Is it out of fear, anxiety, and if so, why? What is the real cause of the fear, anxiety, et. cetera? Then, and this is most important to reaching any resolution, identify your own needs. What needs do you have that must be met to accomplish a resolution? These needs “have nothing to do with judging another person. Your need isn’t for [the other person] to do or not do something.” (Id.). Rather, your needs comes from within you and are more basic – e.g. respect, acknowledgment, security or stability. Finally, “make a request that can help you get your needs met.” (Id.) By verbalizing in specific and definite terms what it will take to resolve the dispute, the other party will understand exactly what is required of her to end the dispute.
So. . . whether the concept is one of meeting everyone’s needs and interests or that of non-violent communication, the outcome is the same: a dispute will not be resolved until each party obtains what she needs from the others. While there may be different ways to get there, the ending is always the same: resolution.
. . . Just something to ponder.
