In these cases, it seems so obvious that early validation can work magic. For me, that usually involves at least two steps. One thing I always do is make it clear that I am willing to accept, as true, EVERYTHING that each person tells me during mediation, and will ask questions when I don’t understand something. Then, of course, I explain that I am still a neutral and will give every party to the conflict the same privilege. Then, typically later on, I seize upon an opportunity, usually when a party engages in self-pity (i.e. “nobody thinks my opinion is worth anything). At that point, I try to validate and normalize. I explain that everybody is entitled to their opinion and to the right to have that opinion heard in the safe environment of a mediation; if nothing else, I want to hear the opinion. I also point out that this party ought to be willing to listen to the opposing opinions openly, if he/she expects reciprocity.

These may seem like small steps, and they usually don’t occur in anything like the organized manner in which I’m outlining them, but they have been key ice breakers in many very emotional cases.

Alec Wisner
http://www.wisnermediation.com