Looking for Happiness!

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Well… we missed it again! International Day of Happiness was March 20, 2017, according to the United Nations High Level Meeting on happiness and well-being. But, perhaps, missing it was not such a bad thing. According to the report, Norway ranks first followed by Denmark, Iceland and Switzerland. The United States ranks 19th in contrast to its ranking of 3rd in 2007.  (Executive Summary)

According to the Executive Summary, “happiness” is “…considered to be the proper measure of social progress and the goal of public policy.” (Id. at 1.) It seems that in the United States, we have been looking for happiness “in all of the wrong places.” (Chapter 7 at 183.) In reaching this conclusion, the researchers used several variables including log income per capita, healthy life expectancy, social support (“as measured by having someone to count on in times of trouble”), freedom to make life choices, generosity of donations and trust (“as measured by perceived absence of corruption in government and business.”) (Report at 2 and Chapter 7 at 179.) Even though our log income per capita and healthy life expectancy increased, our social factors “deteriorated.” (Id. at 179-180.) That is, we are in a social crisis as evidenced by a decline in less social support, less sense of personal freedom, lower donations and more perceived corruption in government and business. (Id.)

The report notes that our trust in others has greatly decreased along with our willingness to help others. The researchers cite the following experiment:

In one well-known experiment,

stamped and addressed envelopes were dropped

in public areas (sidewalks, shopping malls,

phone booths), to see whether people pick them

up and put them in a mailbox. This is a measure

of helping behavior among strangers. A

recent study  showed that the extent of helping

behavior by U.S. residents declined sharply

between 2001 and 2011, but this was not true

for Canadian residents.  (Id. at 182.)

In short, Americans have adopted an “us vs them” mentality causing us to lack trust and confidence in others. (Id. at 183.)

While this report speaks of United States it implicates each of us as citizens. Without trust and confidence, we cannot sustain any sort of relationship with others. Without trust and confidence, we cannot resolve even the smallest of disputes. Every negotiation, even one about who is going to pick up the dry cleaning that day, involves some degree of trust and confidence in the other and in the truth of what the other is saying. (e.g. “I cannot pick it up tonight because I have a meeting to attend.”). If we later find out that we were lied too, there goes the trust factor: we will be skeptical the next time around.

Like all negotiations, mediation is also about having a certain amount of trust and confidence not only in the mediator but in the other party. One of the most important things that a mediator must accomplish at the outset of a mediation, is to gain the trust and confidence of each participant. Without it, the mediator will find it quite difficult to help the parties resolve the matter.

While we all expect a little bit of puffery and gamesmanship in any negotiation, we must have some trust and confidence in the other party that she will not outright mispresent and speak untruths during the mediation. If the other party does utter untruths, and we later find out about it, remedies are available: we can attempt to unwind the agreement due to this alleged “fraud” or “misrepresentation.” And any future dialogue with that party will be approached with a high degree of skepticism if not mistrust.

So, … the United States, both as a country and as individuals, has lost its mojo: we are not in a “happy” place. We need to get our trust and confidence back not only in ourselves, but, more importantly, in others, as well.

… Just something to think about.

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By | 2017-05-13T07:40:11+00:00 April 7th, 2017|News articles|0 Comments

About the Author:

Phyllis Pollack
Phyllis G. Pollack, Esq. the principal of PGP Mediation (www.pgpmediation.com), has been a mediator in Los Angeles, California since 2000. She has conducted over 1300 mediations. As an attorney with more than 35 years experience, she utilizes her diverse background to resolve business, commercial, international trade, real estate, employment and lemon law disputes at both the state and federal trial and state appellate court levels. Currently, she is the in­coming chair of State Bar of California’s ADR Committee. She has served on the board of the California Dispute Resolution Council (CDRC) (2012­2013), is a past president and past treasurer of the SCMA Education Foundation (2011­2013) and a past president (2010) of the Southern California Mediation Association (SCMA). Ms. Pollack received her BA degree in sociology in 1973 from Newcomb College of Tulane University and her JD degree from Tulane University School of Law in 1977. She is an active member of both the Louisiana and California bars. Pollack believes that it is never too late to mediate a dispute and recommends mediation over litigation as it allows the parties to decide their own solutions.