active listening

25 01, 2019

How we “Become” a Settling Society.

By |2019-01-10T13:05:56-08:00January 25th, 2019|Conflict resolution|0 Comments

I just finished reading Becoming by Michelle Obama (Crown Publishing 2018).   While the book is an autobiography of the former First Lady, its theme is more than just a story about how some African American kid from the Southside of Chicago broke multiple barriers to become a world known public figure. It is about empathy, [...]

7 09, 2018

When Interrupting is NOT interrupting!

By |2018-08-27T14:53:48-08:00September 7th, 2018|Odd stuff|1 Comment

The other weekend, my husband and I were visiting some friends (husband and wife) whom we had not seen in a while. As we were leaving, the wife and I were avidly talking with each other, seemingly interrupting each other, or at least, not letting the other finish a sentence. My husband, overhearing our “conversation”, [...]

3 11, 2017

Listening Leads to Empathy

By |2017-10-27T11:34:50-08:00November 3rd, 2017|News articles|1 Comment

Have you ever sat back with your eyes closed and listened to music or someone speaking? Why did you do it? Probably, to appreciate more fully and deeply what you were hearing. By shutting down one of our senses, we allow ourselves to hone in more deeply to the music or conversation. Well, you are [...]

27 10, 2017

Three Conversations

By |2017-10-11T13:33:19-08:00October 27th, 2017|Conflict resolution|1 Comment

As part of a book club, I just finished reading Difficult Conversations [How To Discuss What Matters Most] by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen (Second edition, Penguin Books, New York, 2010). While its advice is geared towards the layman, as an experienced neutral, I found some interesting nuggets within its chapters. By “difficult [...]

15 07, 2016

Dallas

By |2017-05-13T07:42:26-08:00July 15th, 2016|News articles|0 Comments

Several years ago, I took a course with Douglas Noll who noted that everyone in a conflict is a victim, and every person in that conflict has six needs that must be met before the conflict can be resolved: vengeance, vindication, validation, need to be heard, need to create meaning and a need for safety [...]

26 02, 2016

Avoidance and Engagement

By |2017-05-13T07:43:28-08:00February 26th, 2016|Mediations, Negotiation Strategy, Research|0 Comments

In last week’s blog, I mentioned one paradox (competition and cooperation) discussed by Bernard Mayer in his book, The Conflict Paradox (ABA and Jossey-Bass, 2015).  A second one is avoidance and engagement. Like the first paradox, on superficial glance, avoidance and engagement appear to be polar opposites. But, upon deeper reflection, and like the first [...]

3 04, 2015

Snap Judgments

By |2017-05-13T07:46:03-08:00April 3rd, 2015|Research|0 Comments

Snap Judgments. We all make them … and how they can lead us astray! This obvious point is made in a blog posted on March 2, 2015 on the Harvard Program on Negotiation’s blog website ( entitled "How Snap Judgments Can Lead Negotiators Astray In Negotiation Conversations" ). The unidentified authors once again remind us; “New [...]

31 10, 2014

If it Works for the NYPD, it should work for everyone!

By |2017-05-13T07:47:14-08:00October 31st, 2014|Research|Comments Off on If it Works for the NYPD, it should work for everyone!

Once again, the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School published an interesting article. This time it is about the "rules" that the New York City Police Hostage Negotiators live by to defuse the very stressful crises with which they deal almost daily. What strikes me about the "rules" is that they are quite simple [...]