Recently, I wrote about the notion of a “conflict entrepreneur”: “people who exploit high conflict for their own ends.” (Ripley, Amanda, High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out, Simon &Schuster Paperbacks, New York, NY, 2021) at.xi).
I was so intrigued that I bought the book only to read about another interesting concept. Referencing Gary Friedman as the author, Ms. Ripley notes that conflict is a “trap”. She then analogizes it to the La Brea Tar Pits in Los Angeles. For those who are not familiar with the tar pits, it is a ‘small dark lake, one which bubbles up occasionally.” (Id. at 26.) But, scientists have found more than three million bones trapped in the tar pit. What the scientists discover is that the Tar Pits “… is a living quagmire, a place where natural asphalt have been gurgling up from the ground since the Ice Age.” (Id.)
And what happened was those large creatures, such as bison, wandered into the Tar Pit, got stuck in the sludge, and began crying in distress. Hearing the distress call, other animals such as wolves came walking over to the Tar Pit, who, finding prey to eat, wandered into the Tar Pit for a good meal, only to get stuck themselves. And so, they howled in distress, which caught the attention of more animals, who, again, came wandering over to the Tar Pits, thinking a good meal was for the easy taking, only to find that, too, they got stuck in the asphalt, and so on and so on. (Id. at 26-27.) As a result, the Tar Pits became a boon for scientific discovery and exploration of animals that lived millions of years ago.
Like the Tar Pits, conflict is a trap. Once a dispute reaches a certain point, it becomes a conflict and draws us in. We find ourselves stuck in the asphalt. We cannot get out. The more we attempt to get out, the deeper we become, as though we are in quicksand. We ask others to come to our aid, and like the wolves who come for a good meal only to get stuck, these others get embroiled in the dispute as well and cannot escape.
And voila, we find ourselves in a high conflict with no apparent escape. And for some of us, this high conflict IS the destination! (Id. at 27-29.)
How to get out of the Tar Pit? Stay tuned for an upcoming blog!
… Just Something to Think About!
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