I always thought that empathy was empathy. That is “…the ability to emotionally understand what other people feel, see things from their point of view, and imagine yourself in their place. Essentially, it is putting yourself in someone else’s position and feeling what they are feeling” (“What is Empathy” by Kendra Chery, MSEd February 23, 2023)

I was mistaken. I learned in an online seminar last week that there are different types of empathy:  cognitive, emotional, and compassionate.

In an article written by Jodi Clarke, Ma, LPC/MHSP (March 1, 2023)  entitled “ Emotional Empathy,” the author defines Cognitive Empathy as “knowing how other people think and feel.” (Id at 1.) :

   Cognitive empathy means that you can understand another person’s perspective. It is also referred to as perspective-taking or putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. (Id. at 2.)

An example is how you might understand how a friend feels when she finds out she did not get the job. Taking her perspective, you can understand her hurt and disappointment. (Id.)

Emotional Empathy “… involves feeling another person’s emotions.” (Id. at 1).  You are sharing that person’s emotional experience so that if they are crying, “… you might begin to feel sad.” (Id. at 2.) Researchers identify three aspects of emotional empathy:

    • Feeling the same emotion as the other person
    • Feeling our own distress in response to their pain
    • Feeling compassion toward the other person. (Id. at 3.)

The article notes that people with emotional empathy are more likely to try to help the person in need. (Id.)

The author gives this simple but vivid example of the difference between Cognitive and Emotional Empathy:

Imagine if someone were to say, “My grandmother just died and we were really close,” and then they start to cry. Here is how a person might respond using the two different types of empathy:

    • Cognitive empathy response: “I’m sorry. I know you are sad and that what you are going through is hard.”
    • Emotional empathy response: “I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. I know you miss her. I’m here for you.” (This response may be accompanied by becoming tearful or expressing sadness.) (Id. at 4.)

 

And then there is Compassionate Empathy. It “… refers to having sympathy or compassion for another person and their circumstances.” (Id. at 4.) Thus, not only do you “… understand a person’s situation but also seek to improve it so they have a better life. “ (Id. at 5.) You take a real interest in their well-being and do whatever you can to improve their lot in life.   According to the author, of the three types of empathy, this type is the most desirable. (Id.)

Of note, empathy appears to be genetic. (Id.at 6-7). And, as you might guess, women tend to be more emotionally attuned than men, picking up on emotional cues more accurately than men and more accurately discerning emotions. (Id.)

At the same time, we can learn empathy. Research has shown that while empathy is largely genetic, social learning can play a role. (Id. at 7-8).

The article ends by providing some tips on improving our empathetic nature.  They include putting aside our viewpoints or slowing ourselves down and totally listening to what the other is saying, using our imagination so that we can understand and feel what it is like to be the other person, being curious by simply asking questions and engaging in active listening, and finally trying NOT to fix the situation but merely being there for them in their moment of need. (Id. at 10-11.)

So, Empathy is NOT simply empathy! There is a lot more to it!

…. Just something to think about.

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